The DENTIST'S COOKBOOK

DESSERT RECIPE FEATURED:

< >  CARMELIZED, CHOCOLATE-COVERED, GUMMI-SWEETS DENTAL TREATS: 

Dental Recall Visit:  "Nurse, please Chart our Findings on Mrs. Zucker.  Tooth #20 is coated with Caramel.  Tooth #12 is now Cavity-Prone, not Cavity-Protected, with a Gummi Bear on top.  Chocolate-Covered Tooth #5.  Tooth #17 has a Pericornitis Gum Infection from her Movie Theatre Popcorn.  Mrs. Zucker, I have to give you the Bittersweet News.  I will not Sugar-Coat my Clinical Findings.  You're a Candyholic."  "That's so insightful of you, Doctor.  Is it my Ugly Teeth that was the giveaway?"  "It was your Weight.  We also know you're not Bulimic."

Patient's Ingredient List:  Bittersweet Chocolate.  Cocoa Butter Nibs.  Caramel Squares.  Extra-Large Egg Yolks.  Pure Salted Butter.  Heavy Whipping Cream.  Gummi Bears.  Tahitian Vanilla Bean - split horizontally.  Pure Maple Syrup.  Raw Honey.  Full Bag of Refined Sugar.

Doctor's Ingredient List:  Cacao.  Soy Caramel.  Egg Whites.  Low-Fat Margarine.  Dream Whip Cream.  Boba Non-Fat Tapioca Balls.  Sugar-free Jelly Beans.  Saccharine / Splenda / …

Preparation:  Nurse goes into the Sterilization Room / Cooking Lab, & follows her Doctor's Orders in Mixing, & Baking in the Dry Clave / Dry Heat Sterilizer.  Doctor found out that Baking in the Autoclave was only good for Steamed Dishes, and the Chemi-Clave / Chemical Heat-Pressure Sterilizer, left a Nasty Aftertaste & After-Smell that lingered for an entire Week.  

Follow-Up - 1 Week Later:  "So, Mrs. Zucker, my lovely Staff baked both versions of our Recipes. The ultimate Taste Test is now."  Everyone takes a Plastic Spork & Plate, & tastes both Recipes.  "We did a Post-Mortem, & analyzed the Bio-Hazardous Wastebasket contents.  The vote was unanimous.  Mrs. Zucker's Treat was nowhere to be found, but we did recover over 95% of our Dental Treats.  With a Confidence Level of 95%, we can firmly conclude that those Dental Treats suck.  No, the Patients don't even suck on them either.  Please disregard the above Dental Sweets Recipe; we are.

Prophy / Teeth Cleaning:  Nurse, "Let's use the Peanut Butter Flavored Prophy Paste for this Patient, & all future Patients, please!"

RECIPES for MALPRACTICE:  We are not allowed to publish these 45 Recipes for fear of raising our own Malpractice Premiums.  When you visit us, we will share our Morbid Concoctions with you (but not in the fillings we place).

UGANDA LIKE MY FISH:  An imported recipe that was made by my own two kids.  However, with all these delectable dishes for them at the Dental Office, I still have a difficult time getting them in every 6 months for their Dental Check-Ups.  Read the details on your next visit.

 Dr. LAUREN FRIEDMAN, DDS

Your West Los Angeles Dentist